just a smidgen

on faith

© Joseph Barrientos

I was gifted with this life, vulnerable in tender hands.  This intention and love was my blessing to receive, fortunate were we who could count on an unsophisticated love, parent(s) who knew only what was in their hearts then and so began our journey.

I built a life, a separate life, with crude tools devised from experience, derived from inexperience. My fledgling self was shaped with small hands as I formed to inform, constructed to control.

Year after year I cultivated this little life, new devices helped me hone and shape what I knew with experiences gathered, both the delightful and the disheartening. Stepping back I’d admire the improvements, so tender were those raw beginnings, how all of it was done with so much heartbreaking fearlessness, strength, planning and the desire for a worthy life.

But my soul never seems to rest for very long, it always questions, always asks for something more from me. Today it requires so much more courage and I am afraid.

I see now that everything I’ve conceived of before this moment was never going to be enough, could ever amount to the potential life that has waited patiently for its revelation. I’ve learned that I am not the true “maker” of my life and that it is time to rely on someone so much more gifted in the creation of beauty.

I am being asked to have faith.

It seems simple, but I feel that it takes so much more resolve for me to let go of all of that independence and control that carried me up to this point in my life. Placing my life in someone else’s hands feels so much more counter-intuitive than all of the hard-won lessons that got me here.

It feels like I’m that newborn child at the beginning of her life again.

And so now I build a new life, a connected life with

trust & faith

When life brings us to our knees it takes an unparalleled vulnerability and new form of courage to push forward with humility and to admit that we don’t know what comes next and that we can only believe and have enough faith to..

let go and let God

For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.
The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.
By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth.
Psalm 33:4-6

Blessings xx

Barbara

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