just a smidgen

The Pain of Moving On

There isn’t anything more particularly human than the vulnerability of being in a meaningful relationship and experiencing that singular joy found in a new other’s presence. But all relationships are finite: friendships change, lovers part ways, life-long loves are lost through death. Nothing can feel more painful than the disappearance of this person from our lives.

It can be so easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new love, so easy to focus on projecting future dreams and possibilities with this significant other. Often, when first in love and infatuated, the wash of endorphins commingling can project a future that becomes almost surreal or fantastical in nature. Such is the nature of our investment in this other person who we almost deify for having transformed our lives. No one’s smile is sweeter, no one’s laughter will ever lift our hearts in quite the same way. Their love also reflects back everything beautiful that they see in us, we feel we are our “best selves” when in relationship with those who cherish us.

This is also what makes parting ways so much more distressing, it’s the end of a very intimately invested vision of our lover, our selves and our future.

The greater the depth of love for one another, even in friendship, the more likely you will find yourself lost once this person is no longer in your life. When we project and dream about how a future could manifest, there can be a loss of self that happens, a loss of self outside of this relationship that leaves you “stumbling in the dark” after they are gone.

There is a miraculous alchemy that takes place when two people share their deepest selves with one another. You may feel that you will never again find a love like this. There is no question that this particular alliance can never be “duplicated” in any other relationship going forward. But I also believe that another wonderful and perhaps even more fitting alchemy of two is always possible. I believe every person who meets us in our lives is sent to us for a purpose, even if only for a season, there is an opportunity to learn about ourselves and to grow through this person’s impact on us. If they brought a nurturing component to your life, perhaps you can learn to manifest that nurturing trait in yourself going forward.

If we can integrate the unique attributes we’ve explored together, we benefit in having discovered so much more about ourselves. We have the opportunity to experience a fuller, richer life than would be possible without having had the blessing of the love found with that other person.

Yet still we grieve, I hope this video will help you find ways to move through this experience and see the joy that waits ahead for you. Wishing you all peace and more love.

So much thanks and blessings for my friend Amos for helping to make my first video, for exploring this topic and sharing his thoughts and wisdom.

Love,

Barbara

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