just a smidgen

on vulnerability

Every poem I write is a metaphor, has meaning beneath the apparent surface story written in verse. This poem is no different, it exalts and celebrates self discovery.

This past month there has been an unfurling of the “outer petals” of my life. Although each new opening bloom can reveal something honeyed and beautiful inside of me, still it has not been easy to look closely at the patterns and habits that have been the story of my life thus far. Around the carefully woven petals of protection I’ve grown also exist myths I’ve believed about myself and about those I’ve been in relationship with. There’s something painful yet achingly beautiful about discovering so much of what I’ve believed to be true just isn’t.

It humbles me, brings me to my knees.. “kissing the earth”, attempting to feel gratitude for each new revelation unfurled, however challenging. And so I keep pushing inward, looking to heal parts of myself I don’t really want to look at, I search for the fragrant scent of heartfelt truth at the core of my heart, my life. For once and for all, I want to open myself to frank honesty, and through this find possibilities, to integrate this knowledge in how I live my life.

As tears form like drops of rain on each petal, my style of dependent attachment, my insecurities, my lack of trust all need to be addressed before I can fully turn my face skyward in “vulnerable sway” in any relationship.

It’s taking all the courage I have to walk in faith, knowing that only my own thoughts and actions are open to change. Everyone else has the freedom to take their own journey. My freedom is found in my faith in Him, trust in myself and the knowledge that only I get to choose how I wish to respond.. or to not respond at all.. with the wisdom of authentic self-knowledge.

Love,

Barbara

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